Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Blunt Object

The Blunt Object seemed nice enough at first. Very laid back, very easy going. He seemed interested without being overly eager and complimentary without being cheesy. There was one major red-flag. He was unemployed. Supposedly he got a settlement from some kind of accident (he didn't feel comfortable disclosing the details so early) and was just enjoying his time off and considering going back to school. Regardless, I agreed to a my favorite kind of pre-date--coffee.

He asked if I would meet him at the large, chain coffee shop near him and I agreed. It was only about ten minutes drive away. Upon arrival, I found him sitting outside across from a lovely young lady. Both were clutching their respective cigarettes intently as they carried on what appeared to be an engaging conversation. I would find out later it was actually sad and boring.

I sat down next to the Blunt Object without introductions as soon as we recognized each other. The woman introduced herself and proceeded to catch me up on her life's story and inform me she was impatiently waiting for her no-good boyfriend to pick her up. When she finally left, twenty to thirty minutes later, the Blunt Object and I officially greeted each other. He had managed to stop smoking long enough to shake my hand and I noticed he was polite, cute in a boyish way, and apparently very happy to see me.

"I have a plan for our evening" he informed me. I perked up immediately! Having been accustomed to gentlemen who left all the planning to me, I was really looking forward to being entertained.

"Please! Tell me!" I encouraged him.

"Well, first we're going to go back to my house and get our smokage on."

My face dropped.

"And then we can see what happens fr..."

I stopped him. "I don't smoke."

There was a pause. "I don't smoke weed at all so I'm not up for that."

More pausing.

"Okay, well..." he began again. "I'm really sorry for dragging you out here and wasting your time." I can only imagine the shocked look on my face but I can guarantee you I was working especially hard that evening to hold in my laughter.

"That's okay," and I meant it. I just couldn't wait to get back to my car to call my friend and tell her the story. In fact, as he began his apologies I was just nodding, smiling, agreeing and trying to get back to my car as quickly as possible. He explained that he was at "a certain time in his life" and that maybe "when things are different" he'd really like to hang out with me again. I encouraged him to just keep doing what he does and "really, have a lovely evening".

It was probably the shortest of any kind of date I had ever been on but I don't think I had ever laughed quite so hard on the way home.

XO Jane

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